Realizations
by Crazycatscarmen
Summary: Ford has a duty to perform. He was only doing what he thought was best. Tw: Suicide attempt and pure fluff. Credit/ Thanks to Keleficent who inspired this and the redo!


**I read a Fic where Ford interacts with the bottomless pit ( as in he tries to fall in it and die.) And I wanted to do my own take on the idea, so Suicidal Ford. Credit to whoever had this idea first, Idk I can never find the authors when I go back and look.**

 **Suicide is very bad, don't do it please, I love you! Have some Ford hurt/comfort! 3  
**

 **This is before Dipper and Ford start getting along. So before d, d and md. Also I haven't read the journals, so any and all information inside them is lost to me. sorry if I got something wrong. Not stancest. Pls don't read it that way.**

* * *

Ford stared into the void that was the bottomless pit. He recalled waking up one morning thirty years or so ago and finding it there. Ford had been so excited, Fiddleford had to pull him away from the edge so he didn't accidentally fall in.

Fiddleford wasn't here now.

No one was.

Ford took out his pen and twirled it around in his fingers, an old habit whenever he was contemplating something.

That day he had found the bottomless pit, Ford had run many experiments. He found that anything dropped inside would come back up between the daylight hours.

Anything dropped in after dark never returned.

It was midnight now. Ford had left the basement once everyone was asleep, moving quietly to ensure no one was alerted to his leaving.

Ford was thrilled when he found the bottomless pit still there, working the same way it had all those years ago. It was the perfect place to hide the rift.

Oh, and to kill himself. That too.

Ford had first thought of dying after he had learned of Bill Cipher's betrayal. He wanted to make sure Bill could never use him again. But he was scared then. He was scared to die.

The second time, it was in the portal, the nightmares he had gone through would make the toughest man or woman go insane.

But death was too easy for Stanford Pines.

So he survived, and survived and survived. Not truly living, but alive. Moving, and breathing. Learning and exploring. He lived on. He told himself he couldn't die, not until Bill had been defeated, once and for all.

What reason did he have to keep going now? The portal was destroyed, the pages of Bill Cipher and the portal torn and burned.

Stan hated him. Who could blame him? Ford had torn the man's life apart and blamed it on Stan himself. The kids didn't like him, oh, Dipper thought he was interesting, because he was the Author. An idol. But that was all. Just a man who had written a couple books and refused to talk about them.

Mabel didn't hate him.

Didn't love him either.

And it wasn't like Ford didn't want to be with them, to enjoy having a family again, but how could he? He was never good with people. He had three friends his entire life. He had rebuked and betrayed one. Was betrayed by the other and made one go senile.

Ford didn't want to hurt people anymore, because that's all he did. everywhere he went, he managed to hurt people. Now matter how pure his intentions were.

Gripping the the rift in his hands, he tensed himself for what he was about to do. Now he could save everyone from an otherwise imminent apocalypse and rid them of the threat that was him all in one swoop.

Ford moved to step off the edge, much like a pirate would walk off a plank when he was pulled back suddenly. Ford yelped, lashing out when something tightened around him.

" CALM DOWN! It's me Ford. It's Stan."

Something, most probably Stan's hand started stroking his hair, in an attempt to calm him. Ford still felt like fighting, but let himself relax slightly, though he still squirmed, feeling uncomfortable.

" Stop it Sixer. Just stop."

Ford felt Stan shift backwards and the idea that Stan was keeping him away from the edge made him want to sob. What was going on? Ford had been so sure of everything a moment ago. Now nothing made sense.

Stan had saved him. Again.

Why?

* * *

Stan felt like crying. He had been outside, unable to sleep after years of staying up to work on the portal, when he saw it. He saw Ford stepping forward. Normally, that wasn't an issue, but he was stepping right into the bottomless pit.

Stan found out about how the Pit worked years ago when he dropped something in during daylight hours and saw it shoot up. He recalled doing the same thing, but at night. The snicker wrapper never returned.

Stan didn't think he had ever run faster in his entire life. It was like time had stopped. The part that broke Stan was that Ford _knew_ how the Pit worked too. He had studied it, the entry was in the back of journal two.

Stan lept forward the last few feet and tugged his brother backwards. Ford landed on top of him and Stan held him as if his life and not Ford's depended on it. He only held tighter when Ford started to lash out, probably thinking he'd been attacked. Stan tried to keep the pain out of his voice;

" CALM DOWN! It's me Ford. It's Stan." Stan felt Ford relax slightly, and Stan, more in an attempt to calm himself, ran his fingers through Fords hair. Ford continued to shift in his arms.

" Stop it Sixer. Just stop." Stan pulled the both of them farther from the edge, worried Ford would still try and jump for it. Stan was pleased when Ford didn't fight, especially considering Ford would probably win.

They sat there until Stan heard Ford choke on a sob. Heart breaking, Stan lifted his brother _when had he gotten so heavy?_ into his arms and walked them back to the porch. Stan didn't want to go inside in case the kids heard something.

Ford started to shake and the tears that had been burning behind his eyes made themselves known. Stan recalled the utter confusion and helplessness that accompanied something like this. He also remembered going through it all alone. _Ford doesn't deserve that. No one does._

Stan sat beside him on the bench, pulling Ford into a hug. Ford let his head rest on Stan's shoulder and they both stayed their until Ford had calmed down. When he did, Stan opened his mouth to question him, why he tried to kill himself, why was he doing this, why would he waste Stan's thirty years of hard work and break his heart at the same time, why, why, why, when Ford stood and ran back towards the Pit before Stan could stop him. Stan was up in a flash, tackling Ford to the ground. Ford pushed him away and kept running without a word.

Stan chased after him, only to stop. Ford was a couple feet from the edge, standing completely still. He didn't look to Stan as he pulled out what looked like a snow-globe, and lobbed it right into the Pit.

Stan twitched when Ford started to move again, ready to tackle him again. _Keeping you safe is a full time job, Pointdexter._ But rather than move towards the edge, Ford hurled himself at Stan and crushed him in a hug. One to rival that of Mabel and her bone dissolving, ultra glittery hugs.

Stan knew exactly what was going through Ford's mind. Hope the kids wouldn't mind only three hours of sleep.

* * *

Ford ran out of Stan's arms. He was worried Stan would think he was lying, if he said he only wanted to lob the end of the universe as they knew it into the bottomless pit. Ford was surprised when Stan had picked him up, but he didn't have the will to fight it. It made him feel wanted. He wasn't surprised when Stan tackled him at a full run, bringing both of them back toward the ground. Ford still couldn't speak, but he managed to roll out of Stan's arms and race towards the pit.

Making sure he was several good feet away so Stan wouldn't tackle him again, Ford pulled out the end of the world from his pocket. _Good luck with the apocalypse Bill._ Ford threw the rift into the pit.

Now that the very important, after this is done what do I do with my life, thing was over. All Ford knew was that he wanted to be held again. He felt like a child after their first horror film. Stan was safe, and Ford definitely did not feel safe at the moment. He ran straight into his brother and nearly knocked them down again. Stan reciprocated, combing Ford's hair with his fingers again.

" I love ya, Sixer. It's gonna be alright."

Ford shook. It certainly didn't feel alright. He registered that they were moving.

Rather than stay on the porch, Stan took them inside and lead Ford to the armchair. Stan's armchair. Ford clung to Stanley when Stan tried to leave. " No."

Stan raised an eyebrow, but carefully removed Ford's hands from his wrists. " I'll be back. Stay here."

Ford curled in on himself when Stan left. He wanted to move, to do _something_. But what could he do? Stan had told him to stay anyway.

* * *

Stan ran upstairs, not caring if he made any noise. He'd be waking the kids up in a moment anyway. He ran into their room. They were still asleep, each on their respective beds. Stan went up to Mabel first. He shook her gently.

" Mabel. Mabel! Wake up! I need your help."

Mabel opened her eyes blearily, "Wha? Wha's goin' on?"

Stan sighed. How was he supposed to tell her that her Great-uncle Ford tried to kill himself?

oh, right.

" Mabel, your Great-Uncle Ford tried to commit suicide. I need you to help him feel loved. You and Dipper. He probably thinks you hate him."

Mabel was awake in an instant, " WHAT?! DIPPER WAKE UP!" Mabel threw her pillow to the other side of the room. " DIPPER, GRUNKLE FORD WANTS TO DIE AND WE NEED TO MAKE HIM NOT DO THAT."

Dipper shot up, looking around confusedly, " What?!"

Mabel grabbed his arm, and both of them grabbed as many blankets and pillows they could hold and raced downstairs.

Stan wasn't sure if this was the greatest or worse idea ever. Ford wasn't exactly great with human interaction...

* * *

Ford heard footsteps. They sounded faster and lighter than Stan's and he barely had time to face them when he was forced backwards by the twins. Ford was stunned.

" YOUCAN'TDIEILOVEYOUANDYOURSIDEBURNSARETOOPERFECTTOJUSTWASTELIKETHAT!" Mabel was hugging his waist, looking at him pleadingly. Dipper was sitting on his other leg, wrapping blankets around all three of them. He as nodding along as Mabel continued to rant that he wasn't allowed to die.

Ford was only half listening.

She had said she loved him.

Stan loved him.

Dipper loved him.

Ford has a FAMILY. That loves HIM.

Ford couldn't take it anymore. All the contradictions. What happened to facts? Facts like breathing will keep you alive and being mean to others meant they didn't like you anymore? What happened to those facts?

He had already been crying, but now he was sobbing. He could hear the twins chatter worriedly, hugging him, saying it would be alright. Ford didn't look up when Stan's voice entered the chatter of soothing voices, nor when he felt the now recognizable fingers of his brother flow through his hair. Ford let the voices and warmth comfort him as he fell asleep into his first dreamless sleep in decades.

* * *

Bonus to make it more lighthearted:

Ford woke up.

He felt...strange. Perhaps it was because this was the first time, in years, he had woken up normally, without his heart racing or falling off the surface he had been sleeping on when he flung around in his sleep.

Ford was loathe to open his eyes. He recalled yesterday's events and felt guilt flood him. He didn't meant to worry them. He was just doing what he thought was best.

Should have known it wasn't the right thing to do- it never was.

He opened his eyes slowly and gazed at the ceiling. He could feel the kids at his sides, nearly lying on top of him. It was nice, but also intelligent.

They would wake up if he tried to go anywhere.

Ford wasn't sure if that was on purpose or not. Turning his head, Ford saw Stan was no where to be seen. A frown started to settle on his face, until Ford felt the familiar motions of Stan combing his hair with his fingers, again. Was this a thing now?

Ford didn't think he minded either way. He felt truly relaxed, a feeling he hadn't experienced since before kindergarten. Always looking forward put stress he hadn't realized was there on him.

What do retired men do, anyway?

Mabel shifted at his side and Ford stiffened. He didn't want to move just yet. But Mabel just snuggled closer and mumbled something under her breath. Ford was hard pressed to catch the words.

" Wha's tha' noise?"

Ford's brow furrowed for a moment. Noise? He contemplated the thought until someone chuckled behind him. Stan.

" Sixer, I think your waking Mabel up with all that purring, you over grown puff-ball."

The question left him before he could contemplate them properly. " What purring?"

Stan came into Ford's field of vision and pointed at Ford's chest. " Your making a weird sound and it started when I petted your head. Didja become part cat while you were away too?" Stan teased quietly.

Ford felt his cheeks heat up. " I am not a cat. Many creatures purr."

Stan cocked an eyebrow, " So yer sayin' ya are half somethin'? Always knew ya were special."

Ford didn't miss how Stan said special instead of all the words that would better describe a half human hybrid. " No, I am fully human. I just picked up a few habits is all."

Stan went back to petting his head. " How's tha'? Find a family 'o lions to camp with?"

Before Ford could answer, Dipper mumbled, still half asleep. " Why's the vacuum on?"

Stan snickered. Ford blushed again.

" If it embarrasses ya so much Ford, why don't ya just stop?" Stan asked quietly.

Ford wanted to shrug, " I don't even know how it started, Stanley. I can only suppose it's stop when I stop being so...content."

Stan smiled. " Ya content, are ya? Good. I guess you'll never gonna stop purrin' Ford. You're not allowed to be anything but content for the next twenty years."

Ford smiled softly in return. He could live with that.

* * *

 **Credit to impishnature for the purring Ford thing. I always wanted to write it, but nothing seemed very fitting. This is okay, I think. Hope you enjoyed! This is so silly, but I hope you liked it. Please review!**


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